I feel like summer got here early- at least as far as the weather. GOOD. GRIEF. It is way too hot already. And it’s killing my lawn (Okay, I know no one other than me cares about that, but I’d rather mow green grass than dirt).
The weather isn’t the only thing that’s burning for many of us, though.
Many of us are on the other side of Memorial Day Weekend- and we feel like toast. We feel like we are burned out or just about to burn out. We are tired, exhausted, and no matter what we do- no matter how much sleep we get, how many off days we take, or the vacations we go on, we just can’t seem to recover and aren’t sure what to do about it.
So here’s what we’ll often do:
Before I go on, I feel like I need to say that some of this is probably going to hit way to close to home, and it may feel personal. I promise, it’s not. I simply want to see you be all who Jesus desires you to be, and His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30). At the same time, He calls us to connect with and be deeply involved in His mission through the local church (Matthew 28:19-20, Hebrews 10:23-25). So, with that said…
What we often do as soon as feelings of burnout hit is the very first thing we do is scale back our involvement with the local church. We’ll attend less often. We’ll stop going to LifeGroup. We’ll pull out of the team we are volunteering on.
There’s a reason we do this: because it’s the “easiest” thing to remove from our plate.
But does it really help? After all…
- Gathering with the local church encourages us to follow Jesus more closely (Hebrews 10:23-25).
- Serving others actually refreshes us spiritually (Proverbs 11:25).
- Life in isolation is actually MORE draining than in community (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
In reality, when we cut back on our involvement in the local church, it doesn’t make things better- it makes them worse because it cuts us off from several of the primary ways that God refreshes us spiritually.
Unless you are serving on multiple teams, involved in multiple groups throughout the week, or attending multiple services on a Sunday, the simple fact is that being on a volunteer team, going to a Sunday morning experience, and being a part of a LifeGroup is not the source of your burn out.
It’s just easier to cut those things off than to deal with the real and deeper issues that are actually fueling our burn out.
A final note before we get into the issues: there are certainly going to be seasons where you are exhausted (like having a child)- however, those seasons do not have to lead to burnout, and indeed, I’m watching a couple of my family members journey through that very well right now- and I suspect it’s because, even in their weariness, they are making great decisions to stay fueled up- and thus preventing burnout.
So with that in mind, here are five reasons we become burned out:
#1- We aren’t filled up spiritually.
I can’t remember where I heard this, but I’ve found it to be true: I’ve never seen anyone who was consistently filled spiritually experience burnout.
What does it mean to be filled spiritually?
More than anything, it means that you are resting in the finished work of Jesus. You are resting in His love and His approval that is given to you by His grace. It means that you are not wearying yourself trying to impress yourself, God, or others- because you know Jesus is all you need.
And before you say “Well, I’m doing that and I’m burned out/ burning out”, we need to know this:
Being filled spiritually is far more than just have an intellectual knowledge of these things. It’s actually living as if they are reality.
The reason many of us are not filled up spiritually- as Christians- is not because we don’t KNOW these things- it’s because we don’t live them out. The result of that is that we live as if we need something more than Jesus- and it starts with this…
#2- We aren’t “drinking deeply enough” from God’s Word.
The Word of God- the Bible- is the primary way God speaks to us. It’s the primary way He changes our lives. It’s the primary way He reveals to us our sin and our next steps.
And yet- for many of us- we simply never pick it up.
The best question to ask when feelings of burnout start to happen is this: How is my time in God’s Word?
If it’s non-existent or inconsistent, then a huge part of the reason you feel burned out is because you are running on spiritual fumes at best. You cannot expect to be at your best when you have nothing in the tank spiritually.
“But I’m reading my Bible every day- and I’m burning out,” you may say.
The next question I’d ask, then, is this: You may be reading it…but are you internalizing it? Are you taking a passage and marinating on it? Are you taking the concepts from God’s Word and letting it get deep down into your heart and soul? Are you praying through it- or are you just reading your chapter/ verse/ devotion and getting on with your day?
God’s Word does not fuel us when we just give it a functionally passing glance- but when we marinate on it and internalize it.
As an aside, memorizing and meditating on on verse a day is a great way to do this. Journaling is a great way to do this as well- and I will say ever since I started consistently journaling, it has been a GAME CHANGER in my own spiritual journey.
However…there’s a reason we don’t do that (marinate on Scripture) either…
#3- Our mind is already overloaded.
Think about these questions.
How many TV shows do you keep up with- regularly?
How often do you check your email?
How often are you on your phone?
How much music do you listen to?
How often is talk radio on in your car?
Hey, none of those are bad things (though talk radio is debatable as all it really does is keep us mad)…but now think about this:
How often during the day do you have moments of “boredom”? Not scrolling on the phone, not listening to music, not checking email…but true silence?
Here’s why that’s a big deal. 1 Kings 19 records an encounter the prophet Elijah had with God:
11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (emphasis added)
Did you see where the Lord’s voice was?
In the gentle whisper.
When our minds are overloaded with stuff, we simply have no room to hear the voice of God as we marinate on Scripture. We have no opportunity to drink deeply from the well of God’s Word because we have too much stuff running around in our mind.
Burnout is not just physical- it also has a mental component…and should we really be surprised we feel burned out when our minds never have space to rest?
It’s hard to “be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) when our minds are never still.
Speaking of stillness, that leads me to the fourth reason we are burned out:
#4- Our boundaries are non-existent…we say “Yes” to EVERYTHING.
Repeat after me: “I can’t do it all!”
Say it again- with conviction: “I can’t do it all!”
One of the great lies our culture has fed to us is that we “can” do it all. We can have a great marriage, dozens of awesome friendships, keep up with the latest trends, be involved with church, have a great family, have our kids involved in every opportunity…on top of working a job, and extra hours because it pays more..and the result is we feel exhausted ALL the time.
Y’all, we have got to learn to say “No.”
Maybe that means shutting your phone off after work hours. My brother runs his own business- and he’s great about this. He does not pick up his phone after 5. Period.
That’s a great boundary!
Maybe it means limiting the number of nights you are out during the week.
Maybe it means politely declining another invitation to an event.
Maybe it means allowing your children to be involved in only one activity at a time.
Maybe it means being more strategic about who you spend your time with…and actually developing truly deep friendships with a few people instead of just having surface level relationships with many people.
We cannot do it all. And so we HAVE to have boundaries…which also means we need to learn to say “no” politely.
How do we do that?
We often can’t….because of reason number 5:
#5- Our calendar is up for grabs…because we don’t have a plan.
You hear a lot about budgeting your money- but very little about budgeting your TIME.
This is why so many of us are burned out. We have no set plan for our time- and thus it’s up for grabs:
- Invited to dinner tonight? Sure! I don’t have plans!
- Go to movie with friends tomorrow? Absolutely!
- Take my child to a friend’s birthday party Saturday morning after their late night game on Friday night and with another friend’s birthday Saturday afternoon? We don’t have plans, we can squeeze it in!
- A wedding to go to the following weekend? Why not!
When we do not budget our time, then- just like when we don’t budget our money- it goes away and leaves us wondering where all our time went.
There is a way to fix that:
Carey Neiuwhof advocates for a “fixed” calendar- in which, just like with your money, you budget your time.
For instance- my wife and I will have a date night each week. Most of the time on Friday, though sometimes it can move.
But whatever night we have it on, if someone asks us to go do __________ on that night, the answer is this: “I would love to go, but I have an appointment.” And I do- with the most important person in my life outside of Jesus.
That’s not being rude- it’s recognizing the reality that I cannot do it all. And believe me, I’ve tried- and I just about drove myself and my bride into the ground. It was an unhealthy season spiritually and relationally…and incidentally, in retrospect, it actually damaged friendships that we had because I made us so stupidly busy that we didn’t have time for things that we really valued…because I bought the lie that I could do it all…and that I “had” to do it all.
Pause: I know there’s the person who’s going to be like “Well, what if someone was dying? Do you mean to say you’d ignore the need for your date?”
No- there are exceptions. But those exceptions should be genuine emergencies and- let’s be honest- most of the stuff we do is not truly an emergency…it’s only an emergency in our mind because we think we “HAVE” to do it.
And THAT idea- that we HAVE to do it all- is what drains so many of us to the core.
We think we have to meet with every person who asks, go to every event we’re invited to, take every opportunity offered to our children, go to every single out-of-town trip…because if we don’t, then somehow…
- It will be our fault that person doesn’t get the help they need
- It will cause others to not like us and think we are losers
- Our children won’t get that scholarship or make the friends they needs
- We won’t have the same opportunity to go again and we’ll miss out
In short, we place ourselves under the burden of “have to”, when reality is we DON’T have to.
Jesus doesn’t even make us “have to”- He already took care of all the “have to” on the cross so that we “get to” follow Him…and we “get to” rest in the freedom He provides.
If we don’t even have to work for Jesus approval…why in the world would we want to drain ourselves trying to win the approval of others?
And my gosh- if I “have to” do _________ in order for someone else to like me…then that reveals either a deep problem with my heart or it reveals a toxic relationship that I am better off letting go of anyway.
People who truly love you will understand, respect, and encourage your boundaries. So set them and stick to them.
This doesn’t mean you’ll never go through busy and exhausting seasons. You will. It doesn’t mean you won’t have to adjust and make exceptions. You will.
But we have to have a plan and direct the calendar- or the calendar will direct us.
And by the way- the very first thing in a fixed calendar should be my personal time in God’s Word. It should include ample time for me to sit, reflect, and marinate on God’s Word- and it doesn’t change.
Here’s the reason we do this:
So that we can say “Yes” to the things that really matter. So we can actually invest our lives in what matters most.
That’s why, around the beginning of September, I’ll be releasing a free ebook called “How to Get Your Life Back For the Things that Matter Most”. It’s going to be a pretty short read, but we’ll be taking a deeper look at some of the concepts touched on in this blog post so that we can start investing our lives in what matters instead of spending it away.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on why we burn out. Feel free to comment below!
This blog post originally appeared on dillonschupp.com.