Don’t you just hate it when you see road signs like the ones above?
I do! They represent a roadblock to my destination, and most likely a very long detour. I dislike these signs so much that one time I utterly ignored one that said “Through traffic only” and went past it…only to find there was no way out. Which made my detour even longer!
S0 what is it that causes detours in our lives?
We often think it is our circumstances or the people around us. Maybe we think our spouse, our boss, our kids, our job, the school we are in, our parents, or our home life is the problem.
While these can certainly be things that make matters worse, I would argue that the primary reason we have detours in life that get in the way of where we want to go has a lot to do with us as individuals. In fact, I’ve found this to be true:
No one gets in the way of what I want more than me.
Regardless of my circumstances, at the end of the day the person who is most often to blame for my inability to move forward is…me.
With that in mind, here are five ways that I get in my own way- and what to do about it.
#1- My pride
The most basic way I get in my own way is when I refuse to take the posture of someone who is a learner. When I approach life with that attitude that I’ve got it all figured out and I don’t need anyone else to teach me, it closes me off from something I need- help. It closes me off from much needed advice. Most dangerously, it closes me off from someone warning me that I am about to make a tremendous mistake, or that I am currently making one.
Perhaps that’s one of the reasons Proverbs says that pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall (Proverbs 16:18). The most basic element of pride is that it cannot be taught.
And once you stop learning, you stop growing and stop moving forward.
Solution: Take the posture of a student.
#2- My Plan
I love plans. I think it’s wise to plan. I think failure to plan is planning to fail.
At the same time, we have to learn to keep our plans in the open hand. If we don’t then we become inflexible and rigid, and any deviation from our plan makes us go to pieces. We throw a tantrum. We scream, yell, cuss, and wail. We become frustrated and spin our wheels trying to get our plan back on track.
When we marry ourselves to our plan and make our plan ultimate, we often end up beating our heads against a door that is never going to open.
I’m not saying we should not plan. We should. However: we can make all the plans we want, but at the end of the day it is God’s purposes that move forward over our own (Proverbs 19:21).
Solution: Plan- but be very flexible with your plans and “go with the flow” when God changes them.
#3- My desire to be liked by everyone
I like to be liked.
No, I LOVE to be liked. I like it when people like me. I can’t stand it when people don’t like me.
Chances are you feel the same way. Of course, it’s natural and normal for us to want to be liked.
The problem comes when our desire to be liked leads to an inability to say “no” and the purpose of our life shifts into trying to keep everyone happy so that they will still like us and trying not to let anyone down.
That is a great recipe for permanent stress and it’s the fast track to burnout. More than that, it’s a guarantee that when we inevitably let someone down and they let us know about it, we will go to pieces. In fact, Grammy-award winning rapper Lecrae says this:
“If you live for people’s acceptance you will die from their rejection.”
If our goal in life is for people to like us, then our life will fall apart when they don’t.
What do we do instead? Follow what Proverbs 29:25 says:
Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
In other words, instead of trying to be liked by everyone, simply focus on doing what Jesus tells you to do. Some people will like you for it. Others will not.
But the goal is not to have as many “friends” as possible (although we need friends!). The goal is faithfulness.
Solution:Instead of trying to be liked by everyone, seek to simply obey Jesus.
#4- My lack of discipline
Sometimes the biggest problem in my life is that fact that I simply choose to not be disciplined; I lack self control.
I can’t put the phone down. I can’t stay focused on my work computer. I can’t stop eating the chocolate chip cookies in the pantry (so thankful there are NOT any in there right now!). I can’t control my temper.
We make a tremendous mistake when we gloss over our inability to discipline ourselves, because the writer of Proverbs says this:
“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”- Proverbs 25:28 (NIV)
In the period when Proverbs was written, a city wall was its primary defense system against enemies. Without a wall, people were defenseless against invaders.
Without self-control, we are defenseless against the enemy- and we quickly stall out in our spiritual journey.
Now, please don’t misunderstand. Self-control and discipline is a difficult journey. However, it’s one that if we do not step into it, we will suffer the consequences- even if it’s “just one thing.”
The reason?
A lack of discipline in one area tends to result in a less and less disciplined life overall.
On the flip side, learning discipline in one area tends to create a habit of discipline throughout your life.
Solution:Start with one area. Perhaps by removing whatever you have a difficult time saying “no” to from your life. What you feed grows and what you starve dies. For instance, If it’s your phone that you can’t say “no” to, get a dumb phone or let your spouse set up some time constraints on your phone, whether that’s time limits in certain apps or blocking certain websites.
#5- My excuses
This is the one that tends to hit us right in the gut- because all of us are great at making excuses. We’ve learned how to make ourselves feel better when we get in our own way. We say things like “That’s just the way I am,” or “I couldn’t help it,” or “It was their fault.”
People who make excuses never make progress. They stay stuck. Sort of like in Matthew 25 in the case of the guy who was given one bag of gold. Instead of putting it in the bank, he put it in the ground. His excuse? He knew the Master was a “a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground.” (Matthew 25:24-25, NIV).
The Master’s response? He called the servant wicked and lazy!
As it turns out, making excuses does not remove accountability. We are accountable to God for our lack of progress and growth- and He does not accept excuses.
We can either make excuses or we can make progress. People who make progress humble themselves, adjust to God’s plan, obey what God said- regardless of how difficult it is.
The result is progress over time.
Solution: Instead of making excuses, take steps.
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None of this is going to be easy. If only it were as easy as reading a blog! It’s not. It’s a challenge that requires our attention each and every day.
But if we’ll digest the fact that we are the problem- that we are the ones who often get in our own way- and let God deal with our issues, then I believe the result of that will be tremendous progress and growth that we previously could not have imagined.
And that will begin to remove the roadblocks and get us where we need to be.