Dillon Schupp
I’m a pretty opinionated person- on a lot of different things.
  • I think Krispy Kreme is worlds better than Dunkin’ Doughnuts.
  • I think fall is better than spring.
  • I think rock music is worlds better than pop music.
  • I think dogs are friends and cats are foes.
  • I think Republicans and Democrats…Ok, I’ll stop there!

Chances are you have opinions, too. We all do. Whether we call them our thoughts, perspectives, or any other synonym, all of us have ideas floating around in our heads that we believe are true.

Typically, want to share them. Especially when we see something that either contradicts our opinion (we want to correct it as loudly and directly as possible and show how wrong it is) or affirms our opinion (we want to share it as loudly as possible, basically saying “See? I’m right!”).

What we often fail to ask, however, is whether we should share our thoughts on something.
I know the pushback in many cases goes like this: “But Dillon- it’s not just my opinion. It’s the truth!” In some cases, that is true (pun intended). Other times…it’s still your opinion.
But even in the cases where something is true, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it needs to be shared. In fact, in many cases, it’s actually better not to…and the reason for that is because, so often- especially as Christians!- we struggle to present the truth in a way that is agreeable to other people. Put another way, we often fail to understand that that packaging of any gift matters if someone is going to accept it.
For instance- If someone has written you a check for $1 million and put it in a box that is wrapped in something laced with deadly poison that kills on contact, then it doesn’t matter how much you want the money- you’re not going to touch the package because it will kill you!
Yet so often the way we package what we want to say is just like that. Sure, what we are communicating may be true…but the way we communicate is often disagreeable to other people.
That’s why Paul writes this:
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.- Colossians 4:6
In other words, our speech should be true- but it also must be extremely gracious and humble. In fact, the truth (salt) is to be more like a seasoning on the grace and humility of our speech.
Often times our speech is more like trying to pour an entire salt shaker on a dish!
So how do we put this into practice? How do we have speech that is full of grace and seasoned with salt?
Or, how do we know when we should speak up?
Here’s a few questions that I believe can guide when it’s appropriate for us to speak up:
#1- Is the timing and platform appropriate to the matter at hand? 
Timing of an issue matter. For instance: it’s probably not a great time to start discussing your spouse’s spending habits right before bed! Think about it: you’re both tired and exhausted, and chances are one of you is not a “night person” and that person’s brain is almost off for the night (that’s me in my marriage). You can pretty much guarantee a fight in this scenario!
Before we speak up, we need to ask if, at this present time, is the other person in a favorable position to hear and receive what I’m about to say?
Along the same lines, we need to consider our platform. And typically speaking, an online or texting platform is not the best place to speak up. Whether it’s email, social media, or text message, choosing to communicate without the value of hearing- and even better, seeing- the other person, puts immediate obstacles in the way of the other person receiving the message:
  • Online removes the ability to read tone (and we always read into tone the worst possible tone).
  • Online removes the power of dialogue and the ability of others to ask clarifying questions.
  • Online often removes any semblance of us “controlling the mic” as the other person will read into what we say and assume answers to questions they have- and assumptions never turn out well.

A conversation is going to go much better when you’re sitting across the table from someone than when you’re pounding away furiously at your computer keys.

Timing matters. The platform/ method matters. We ignore these are the risk of alienating others.

#2- Is what I want to say actually true?

I think that, sometimes, we are too quick to assume the truth of certain things. For instance, I’ve seen this over and over when people criticize pastors/ preachers. They will take a 60-second video clip and build an entire line of opposition against that pastor preacher. When that happens, we end up ignoring the fact that the clip needs to be interpreted in the context of the entire talk. 

When we pull something out of context, we can literally make someone say anything we want them to say. And yes, it may be true that they said what they said…but do we really know the meaning of what they said?

In the era of “fake news”, we can’t just assume that what we see shared is actually true. We need to do our due diligence to find out if it is…or else we forfeit our own credibility in the process.

#3- Is what I want to say truly helpful? 

This is something I had to evaluate some time ago in my own life.

My lovely wife, Grace, had done something (I can’t recall what, which shows you how unimportant it ultimately was), and she didn’t realize it, but it really irritated me. I was walking around thinking about how I needed to tell her all of my agitated feelings, and I felt like God said this to my heart:

“Do you want to to approach Grace about this because you really think it will help your relationship…or do you just want her to know how upset you are and get to vent?”

OUCH!!!

We’ve got to check ourselves before we just starting sharing our opinions. Even if they are true…by sharing what we want to share, are we being helpful, or…

  • Are we trying to get our “pound of flesh” and get back at the other person?
  • Are we simply venting because we’re mad?
  • Are we attempting to manipulate someone with our words?

Helpful speech ultimately builds up. Now, that doesn’t mean helpful speech is pain free. Often, helpful speech is painful- but it’s only ok to inflict pain and discomfort when the timing is right, the platform is right, the words are true, the motive (REALLY) is to help, AND the answer to question four is “yes”, which leads me to the final question to ask:Am

#4- Am I speaking “full of grace”? 

This brings us back to where we started. Is my speech full of grace and seasoned with salt…or is a like trying to dump a salt-shaker full of salt down someone’s throat?

Certainly grace-filled speech takes into account timing, platform, the truthfulness of what is being said, and is helpful. However, I think there is one more additional component of grace when it comes to “speaking up”, and it’s this:

Grace filled speech is gracious towards the “other side”.

What I mean by that is this: grace-filled speech never devolves into a personal attack on someone. It never involves broad generalizations, assumption, or caricatures. Grace-filled speech takes into account that the other person is another human being, and that (just like you!) they are imperfect. Grace-filled speech does not lead in with polarizing statements. It asks questions and seeks to understand first instead of demanding to first be understood.

Grace-filled speech is loving, kind, gentle, patient, humble, and merciful. Especially to the “other side.”

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Let me close with this: I believe God does call us to speak up! I believe He WANTS us to speak up. He doesn’t want us to stay silent. However, the manner in which we speak up is going to have a tremendous effect on whether anyone pays attention, and for that reason, BEFORE we speak up, we need to ask whether or not we should.