Does this picture seem so calm?
Stocking hung, soft lighting, kids in bed; all is peaceful and quiet with absolutely no stress whatsoever.
Chances are that is not your holiday story!
If we’re being honest, the holidays can be some of the most hectic times of the year. From family gatherings (on both sides), to company parties, to annual Christmas traditions with friends- not to mention New Year’s Eve and New Year’s- there is never a shortage of things going on during the Christmas season.
And, if we’re lucky, we might have a day in there to catch our breath.
Have you ever wanted to just scream “I wish we weren’t so busy!!” I can relate. I’ve been there- where the holidays were not something to be enjoyed…but something to “get through.” It’s stressful and exhausting- which is the exact opposite of what this time is supposed to be.
Recently, however, my wife (Grace) and I have made some changes to our thinking around the holidays- and I can honestly say that I am looking forward to what Christmas time brings this year. In fact, it’s the first time I can recall in our marriage that we’ve ever looked at the calendar around Christmas and not felt like we had to “gear up” for it. That’s relieving!
You can get there too. I’m not saying it’ll be easy. But it’s possible. However- it requires decisions on our part to make it happen, and those decisions can be made by asking the following questions:
#1- Have I made time for what is MOST important?
First and foremost, one of the quickest ways to wear out over the holidays is for Jesus- the “Reason for the Season”- to get lost in the shuffle. When time with Jesus goes, our sense of “rest” is quick to follow! Do you have a plan for continuing to have quiet and intentional time with Jesus during the holidays?
Second, this means that time with family- primarily your spouse and children- takes precedence over every other connection. That includes parents, grandparents, siblings, and so on. Those are the two most important relationships you have- and we should make space in the holidays to build into those relationships specifically. Are you having “face-to-face” time with your spouse and children…or are y’all always in a vehicle going somewhere…always doing, but never really connecting?
#2- Does this take care of us…or wear us out?
One of the most difficult responsibilities to accept is this: In general, you are responsible for whether you feel drained or refreshed during the holidays…because you set your schedule. The question, then, is whether we are being wise in our schedule-setting. Do we have a schedule set up that wears us out- or one that is designed to take care of us? Have we set up a schedule that is filling…or draining?
On a slightly different note- is what we are doing draining…or filling? Are we doing things “because we’ve always done them”, even though there’s barely any time and it’s exhausting…or are we doing something because we really want to because we enjoy it?
#3- Who am I really trying to please?
Many of us feel stressed because we are trying to make everyone else happy. We just can’t miss this gathering or that gathering, and doing so would offend this person or that person, and so we go and go and go to make everyone else happy…and we make ourselves (and often our spouse and children) miserable in the process.
Anytime we are making decisions just to keep someone else happy, we should immediately suspect it is a poor decision.
And it’s especially poor when making someone else happy is causing us and those closest to us to be miserable in the process.
#4- Am I willing to let other people have the freedom to say “no” to my plans?
This is where the rubber really meets the road. It’s one thing to set my own schedule and do what fills me and doesn’t stress my family or me.
However- what happens when I make plans…and someone says “No” because “It’s just too much”?
Do I throw a fit? Do I get angry? Do I try to guilt them into coming? Do I become passive aggressive and not go to “their thing” next time?
If you are going to embrace freedom, you have to be willing to give freedom. Or else…you’ve become a hypocrite.
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The bottom line is this: Jesus said the following in Matthew 11:28-30:
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Jesus doesn’t drive us into the ground; He gently leads us where we need to go. If you are being driven, then Jesus isn’t driving- you are. If you are feeling stressed and burned out, it’s probably because you’re doing too much.
Jesus doesn’t want to burn you out. He wants to fill you up to overflowing. That can’t happen unless we take serious measure of what we are doing and adjust to where we just aren’t so busy…and so the holidays really do feel like a holiday.