I enjoy working out.
OK, that’s not really true. Let me rephrase: I enjoy the results of working out. I like the physical benefits of staying in shape, but there’s more to it than just the physical aspect. I’m also learning to enjoy the mental aspect of working out.
(Disclaimer: That’s not me in the picture. I don’t even like squats. It’s just a stock photo. Besides- a picture of me working out wouldn’t be remotely impressive. More comical than anything, most likely.)
A good, hard workout can have a tremendous psychological affect on me because it teaches me a very simple lesson: push through the pain. When the “burn” hits lifting weights, or I get “stitches” running, that’s not the time to quit. It’s the time to go just a little bit longer because a workout is most beneficial when you’re being physically stretched.
When that moment hits- and everything in me wants to stop- there’s one idea that I cling to mentally that helps me get that last rep in or that last quarter mile: “This won’t last forever- and it will be over soon.” Knowing that there is a clearly defined stopping point helps me push through the pain because I know the pushing isn’t an ongoing event. It’s a relatively brief moment that, while very uncomfortable at the time, will soon be over. And it’s a good thing to…because I am not Super Man. I do not have unlimited endurance. I can’t go on forever.
We get that when it comes to working out. If we try to go further than we should, our body puts a stop to it with a strained or torn muscle, or- if you’ve really gone too far- blacking out. We (typically) accept that we have physical limits in the weight room or on a treadmill.
Yet we often fail to have that sort of recognition of our limits in the day-to-day flow of our lives.
The Question We Normally Ask…That’s the Wrong One
“Hey, can you take this new position? The commute is a little longer, you’ll work longer hours, but the pay is worth it.”
“Can your child join the travel ball team? It’s a lot of weekends, it costs a lot of money…but she’ll play against the best competition and be ready for college.”
“Can y’all do dinner tonight? I know you’ve been gone all week and will have just gotten back into town, but we’d love to see y’all since it’s been so long.”
Those are some examples of questions we may get asked. The content may change and the person asking the question may change, but the gist of the question is the same: “Can you do __________?”
How do we typically respond? By asking a mental question of our own: “Can I do this right now?”
Then we begin running through everything we have on our plate: our current job responsibilities, the kids’ activities, not to mention their schoolwork, trying to spend quality time (or any time) with our spouse, trying to get out of debt, everything going on at church…and gosh, it really does seem like a lot.
But then we reach into our bag of magic tricks: our calendar. And it’s all digital now. So I can rearrange it with a few touches on the screen. Yeah, adding this one more thing will make it overly crowded, but if I move grocery shopping to 6 AM on Thursday and stay up late to finish a work project Monday-Wednesday and just wake up 30 minutes earlier to get some things done around the house and cut down my quiet time from 1 chapter to 5 verses…then yes! I CAN do this right now. Behold the beauty and creativity of my calendar maneuvering!
After all, it’s just for this one time.
But is it, though?
It’s funny how “It’s just for this once,” rarely seems to be “just this once.”
“It’s just a season.”
OK, you caught me. It wasn’t just one time. It’s more like three of four…or forty…OK, it’s more of a pattern in my life than maybe I was first willing to admit. But it’s not permanent! It’s just a season. It’s temporary.
OK…if that’s the case…tell me when the season ends.
That’s the thing about seasons. Seasons have a defined beginning and a defined end. Seasons do not go on indefinitely. They start, they last for a while, and then they stop.
So when’s your “stop” date? Or, if you don’t have a defined date, what’s the clear benchmark that will define the end of this current season?
This is crucially important, and here’s why: Remember when I mentioned that I can push longer when I know there’s a defined “end” to my workout? Well, sometimes I do a workout where I do reps of a particular exercise for 60 seconds. But sometimes I accidentally don’t set the timer for 60 seconds. I set it for 60 MINUTES. So as I’m huffing and puffing and wondering when it will ever end, it never seems to…and eventually I quit.
The same thing is going to happen to us- or to the people around us- when our seasons don’t have a defined end. Either we, or the people closest to us, or most likely both, will become frustrated, fatigued, and, in the end, likely decide we can’t go on anymore. Things start falling off the calendar- including some things that are critically important- because we’ve had all we can stand, and now the backlash is here.
Seasons that go on indefinitely seem to have a way of putting an end to things that really matter in our lives. That’s a tragedy. And so often it starts with saying “Yes” to something that we probably can do right now…but probably shouldn’t say yes to.
We need to change the question we’re asking.
The Right Question to Ask
We shouldn’t simply ask whether we can do something as it fits into our calendar for the day, the week, or even the month. We should be taking our entire lives into account. And by entire life, I mean the entire course of our life. The decades we hope to live. By entire life, I mean taking into account the fact that we won’t always be young (if you’re young) and have almost limitless energy. We realize the fact that one day we will not have the same stamina or the same strength we have today. We recognize that our ability to “do” down the road depends greatly on the pattern of life we are on right now.
With that in mind, when presented with an opportunity, we don’t just ask “Can I do this now?” Instead, we ask this question: “Can I keep doing this- or can I keep doing it this way indefinitely?” Put another way, perhaps a more memorable way, would be asking it like this:
“Is this sustainable?”
Is this something I can keep on doing over the long haul? Is this something that can realistically last? Is this pattern of life something I can wake up and continue with day after day, week after week, and year after year? What will be the result of me doing this, not just once, but over the course of weeks, months, and years?
Twelve months from now, if I continue this way, what is the likely outcome for myself? My marriage? My family? My finances? My emotions? My physical health? My relationship with Jesus?
We often- and I’m as guilty as anyone- get so caught up in whether we can do something NOW that we don’t take into account the long-term implications of saying “Yes” to the things we say yes to. As a result, things get piled on our plate non-stop…until the plate cracks and everything comes down with a crash.
Perhaps that’s part of what Jesus was getting at in Luke 14, where he commanded us to even consider the implications of following Him:
“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? 29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, 30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’”- Luke 14:28-30
Even when it comes to following Jesus, Jesus warned us not to make a decision that is emotion-fueled in a moment but doesn’t consider the fact that following Him means a complete re-working of our lives. He commanded us to consider whether we are really committed for the long haul; to count the cost of following Him before we said “Yes” to paying it.
The same principle applies in the rest of our lives. Before we say “Yes” to something, we need to evaluate whether we really can pay the cost. We need to evaluate the long term implications of it…and whether the decision we make is leading us towards or away from sustainability.
You will STILL have to stretch
Please don’t misunderstand me. I am NOT saying that we need to so rigidly schedule our lives that we never go “off-script” to do something that stretches our capacity as people. Sometimes you need to. Sometimes seeing that friend is worth it. Keeping a date with your wife is absolutely worth less sleep. Taking the kids to that ballgame or that experience for the first time creates a memory you can’t put a price tag on.
And yes, sometimes, from a work or ministry standpoint, there will be seasons you need to stretch. There will be seasons that exhaust you physically, mentally, and emotionally. There will be things we can’t- and shouldn’t- say no to just because they will wear us out.
However: those seasons and those events should be just those. They should be seasons that have a defined start and a defined end. They should be special events that represent a momentary change from the routine, not a permanent part of an already over-crowded schedule.
I’m not saying there should not be exceptions. There should be. But the exceptions should be exceptions- not the normal.
The Payoff
There’s a tremendous benefit to changing the question from “Can I do this now?” to “Is this sustainable?” In fact, there are three specific payoffs that grow out of us learning to ask “Is this sustainable?” and filtering our decisions through that question.
#1- It makes “normal” less stressful- and more enjoyable.
When we are making decisions based on whether they can be sustained over the long term, we are less likely to continue adding things to our plate. As a result, we discover this beautiful thing called “margin” in our lives. Instead of running wall-to-wall with our hair on fire, we actually have the flexibility to go at a more reasonable pace…and we can actually start to enjoy the journey along the way.
#2- It makes the “exceptions” truly special- and far more memorable.
The rarer something is, the more we are likely to appreciate it. Obviously, that can be taken to a very unhealthy extreme (like telling your wife “I love you” every 10 years. That’s just unwise), but used in a balanced way it is extremely healthy. The exceptions should never be so rare that we are inflexible and, frankly, no help and no fun, but they shouldn’t be so regular that they become a pattern and “just the way we do things”- or else it cheapens their value. We will appreciate the exceptions- and so will those close to us- when they are exceptions. This makes us into more grateful- and less entitled people. Not only that…
#3- It prevents us from becoming bitter- at ourselves and others.
The dirty little secret for many of us who have our plate way too full is that we’re bitter at ourselves for being a pushover- and we’re bitter at other people because we think they are taking advantage of us. Sure, we may “do” with a smile on our face, but inside we’re increasingly resentful towards ourselves and other people.
That’s not emotionally sustainable, because trying to contain resentment is like trying to contain a volcano. It doesn’t work. Eventually, it explodes and creates a lot of damage. And that’s never worth it.
______________________
The benefit of things being “shut down” right now is that, with likely fewer activities on our plate, we really have a chance to stop and ask this question. We have a chance to stop and re-evaluate what we were doing and how we were doing it- and whether it was sustainable over the long haul. How do you know for sure?
If you’re breathing a sigh of relief internally because the shut down means you don’t have to do __________, then there’s a good chance that thing should be eliminated from your life…or at least minimized back to a point where it’s sustainable. If you’re relieved that you can do __________ differently now, there’s a good chance that should be a permanent shift because it’s likely more sustainable.
None of us has unlimited capacity. We all have limits. We can only do so much. In one sense, it’s tough to admit that- but in another sense, it’s incredibly freeing. If I know can’t do it all, I’m less likely to feel the pressure to do it all…which will hopefully mean I turn my attention more towards that which is most important in my life and structuring my life to ensure that, if nothing else is sustained, the most important aspects of my life are.
I discuss that more in my free ebook “How to Get Your Life Back for the Things that Matter Most.” You can GO HERE to download a free copy and dive a little deeper into how we can move towards regaining control of our schedule and our lives.